I used to believe that closure was a given. But, throughout the past few years, I have realized that that perspective was a tad naïve. If anything, closure is reserved for the lucky situations and more often than not, people never get the closure they deserve.
Closure is not guaranteed, so why do we constantly assume it’s something we will get?
The fact that life happens in mysterious and complicated ways is not a new idea. We accept that sometimes things don’t go according to plan, people leave us, or we sometimes don’t get the proper chance to say goodbye to a person or a place. We accept all these things, but still, we are left in some sort of limbo when we don’t get the closure we crave.
Closure is not guaranteed, but it’s also a vital part of what comes after. It’s a vital component to the moving on “equation”, yet somehow, it’s not always a part of the equation that is fulfilled.
Closure and I are currently in that limbo phase, where I know full well, I will not get the closure that I want but I am still expecting it to happen. In just under two weeks, I will be graduating with my Bachelor’s degree. However, due to covid restrictions, I won’t be able to have a “normal” graduation. I won’t get to celebrate with family and friends, nor will I be able to walk across the stage and get that feeling of accomplishment. I will be sitting in my basement staring at a list of names running up the screen and that’s it.
The goal isn’t to make you feel bad for me. I am truly grateful to be graduating and for everything that has happened in the last four years. But I would be lying if I didn’t tell you how disappointed I am not to be getting those specific moments of closure.
For a few months, my way of dealing with the fact that I won’t get the closure I want was to forget that the last four years had even happened. I finished my last course in the Fall and then decided to toss away all the blood, sweat and excess tears that I poured into school. If I wasn’t going to get the closure that I wanted, then I was just going to ignore the entire situation altogether. Now, I understand that you can’t deal with a disappointing situation by ignoring what led you to it.
So, what now? How do I find the closure I so desperately need and still move on with my life? The answer isn’t simple, it’s rather messy.
Just because you don’t get that definite moment of something coming to an end doesn’t mean that you can’t begin to move on.
What I have come to understand is that letting yourself move on without the pretty tied bow of closure might just be the only way you can create a sense of closure for yourself. So often we think we need closure to move past what was happening, but closure is not a pitstop in the road. Closure is a journey, it’s something you have to work through and take with you as you advance in your life.
Closure, in its definite sense, is not guaranteed. But just because you don’t get that one moment where it all comes together and ends perfectly doesn’t mean you can never experience closure. It just means that you need to sit with the idea of closure a little bit longer and most likely brings it on the journey with you to the next thing. Closure can come to us in different ways, if I have learned anything it’s that closure doesn’t come in one neat little package. Oftentimes, it’s something we have to create ourselves.