We are all going to have those days where we don’t feel like ourselves, we feel gross and unmotivated and could care less about anyone or anything. We need a break from ourselves, and our thoughts, and all that is around us. That’s how I have been feeling for the past week, which is why I haven’t uploaded in a while.
I was feeling unmotivated, sad, lonely, and just out of it honestly. But here’s the thing, no one could tell that I was feeling different, and wasn’t myself… it was more of a mental thing than anything else. I was stuck in this rut of a mindset where if I didn’t do this, I could kiss my entire life behind. I was thinking a lot of negative thoughts, a lot of self-doubts and putting myself down… Mentally it was a tough week, and ultimately a rather draining week.
Yesterday, however, I hit the bottom of this weird phase, I completely gave up. I had an exam today and did not even care that I was unprepared. For me, that’s when I know something is wrong, and that’s when my family started catching on also. I am the type of person that needs to do whatever they possibly can before an exam, to feel prepared for when the time comes to write the exam. But this time, I could not bring myself to study, to care, or to bother. And maybe that was not the greatest decision school wise, but for my well being it was the best thing I could’ve done. I stopped my homework, I went to put on my pajamas and lied in bed, in the complete darkness. It was only 9pm, but I didn’t care, I couldn’t handle anything anymore including myself, so I thought I’ll just sleep it off. And before I fell asleep I remember telling myself: Everything will be okay, this weird feeling will end, you’ll do fine on your exam tomorrow, work on Friday will be fine, your future will be fine, everything will be okay.
I went to bed with that in mind, and when I woke up this morning, I felt less weird. The feeling hasn’t entirely disappeared, but its subdued a lot.
Often, especially when we feel overwhelmed, we don’t know what to do. What I needed to do was reset my mindset. I was in a negative funk, where I thought my life would fall apart or collapse if I did one little thing wrong or out of line. But really that doesn’t happen because what you did yesterday, does not have to affect what you did today. I was a horrible mood yesterday, but I did not let that affect how I am today.
With a clearer mind, I now notice how much of a mess my life was, and how much of a mess I felt like. I don’t like messes (except my closet, it’s just a scary place really), and I especially hate feeling like a mess. Once I realized that, I made a note in my agenda to clean my room and my desk on Saturday morning; I planned out a mini-pampering session on Sunday; I called my friend and made plans with her because I hadn’t seen her in ages and she is the one that you usually bring me back to focus, and I planned. I planned, and planned, and planned as if my life depended on it. I planned what school work to do, my budget for the week, when I work or when I don’t work when things were due if I had any events coming up.
When you feel like a mess, you probably won’t notice that you are one until you yourself have a moment where everything hits the fan. Now being a mess should never be a bad thing, but rather it should be a point where something is not working right, and you need to re-evaluate what’s going on in your life and adjust accordingly.
I recommend, that if you’re not feeling yourself, to go to bed with this intention that tomorrow will be better, and that everything will be okay. Because that little bit of hope that all will work out makes everything better.
I know this was more of a rant than anything else, but I know a lot of people go through these weird phases, and it’s nice to know you are not alone. Don’t worry these phases happen to everyone all the time. You just need to make sure you do whatever works for you, to get back on track of things.
Thanks for reading, and have a wonderful day!